File: New Camp HalfBlood Restrictions
by lecabe
Summary: The list of things no longer allowed at Camp Half Blood, thanks to Elsie and Tori. It's just plain goofy; who doesn't love some clever, pointless silliness? Ranging generally over all the books. R&R, darlings!
1. There She Goes

My newest venture...my first Percy Jackson fic, please tell me what you think! I don't know, my friend and I thought it was funny, but don't be afraid to tell me if some of these are lame! But be gentle...alright, here it is!

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New Camp Half-Blood Restrictions

1. Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to refer to Chiron as "the pony dude".

2. They also cannot follow him around asking to braid his tail because (and this is a quote) "it's the sign of a nice horsie!"

3. Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to pelt Percy with dead fish, as this is rather insulting to someone with the Sea God as a father.

4. Elsie and Tori may not fake several death scenes in various areas around the camp, since it has proven to cause some mild distress among the campers who witness these 'deaths'.

5. Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to call Clarisse a Martian.

6. It is unacceptable for them to skip around the camp singing songs which involve Percy and Annabeth in rather…compromising situations.

7. They are not allowed to go into any further detail about these situations from now on.

8. Elsie and Tori may no longer inform Dionysus that apple juice is better than grape juice, as the camp is responsible for keeping them alive...NOT strangling them to death with grape vines.

9. They are no longer allowed to inform half-bloods that, technically, they are in-bred.

10. Throwing tin cans at Grover to see if he will eat them is strictly forbidden.

11. Calling Thalia a 'tree-hugger' is completely unacceptable.

12. Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to ask Percy if he is part mermaid, as this is irrelevant and mildly offensive.

13. Nico is a very powerful son of the 'Big Three' and therefore, asking him if he needs a hug is rude and unnecessary.

14. Encouraging Apollo's poems is now strictly off-limits, not to mention cruel, unusual, and just plain wrong.

15. The Flying Spaghetti Monster, Elmo, and Chuck Norris are not gods, therefore, offering the dinner's burnt offerings to them is insulting and could possibly get themselves killed. It is now prohibited.

16. Nicknames created by Elsie and Tori are not allowed, in any shape or form. Period.

17. Elsie and Tori may no longer accuse Percy and Grover of having a 'thing'.

18. It is impossible for the children of Athena to speak to olives, as they are inanimate objects, and asking them to is extremely impertinent and no longer allowed.

19. Offering to replace the Oracle with a Magic 8 ball will no longer be tolerated.

20. Becoming the camp matchmakers is completely unacceptable and furthermore, it is important to respect people's gender, species, blood, race, ability to reproduce, marital status, lifespan, powers, war history, oaths, siblings, and personal values.

21. Again, the mythological family is _not_ inbred.

22. Elsie and Tori are not allowed to play the movie "The Hills Have Eyes" at the camp. See above.

23. Trying to convince Grover to join the "Burn The Trees" club is highly unlikely and not to mention corrupt.

24. They are no longer allowed to harass Annabeth with the song "The Itsy Bitsy Spider".

25. Also, making 'dumb blonde' jokes inside the Athena cabin is dangerous and now strictly forbidden, for the safety of Elsie and Tori.

26. Declaring a 'snow-day' and thus causing the campers to miss classes is prohibited, especially since it cannot snow in Camp Half-Blood.

27. Asking Annabeth if she thinks 'Thalia' and 'Rachel' are 'pretty names for girlfriends' is completely off-limits, strictly for the safety of Elsie and Tori.

28. Informing the camp that Beckendorf rips out of his shirt and turns green when made angry will no longer be tolerated.

29. It is unacceptable to post lists of traits Elsie and Tori find annoying about other campers around the camp. Especially when these lists are signed with various names other than their own.

30. Lobbying for a career day is prohibited.

31. Elsie and Tori may no longer attempt to lock Clarisse and Annabeth in an enclosed rooms for long periods of time and take bets on who will survive, especially as they have come out of these 'experiments' with bodily harm to their person.

32. Stealing Selena Beauregard's make-up is no longer acceptable, as it seems to directly affect the sanity of Selena.

33. They are no longer allowed to attempt to ride Mrs. O'Leary.

34. Creating exclusive clubs based on parental status, interests, dislikes, people they all hate, favorite colors, or clubs that initiate highly inappropriate activities is no longer allowed.

35. Elsie and Tori may no longer attempt to burn this list as it is not allowed and also has been copied and widely distributed throughout the camp.

Many of you actually asked why these rules only applied to Elsie and Tori, both of Apollo Cabin, which is a good question. Dionysus and I feel that it is improbable any other campers going through with such preposterous, foolish 'jokes' and have decided to ban only Elsie and Tori from doing these, in hopes that being addressed exclusively will end their trouble-making ways. Thank you for your time and have a great day!

Chiron

---

Tori whistled in astonishment. "Man...what happened to a sense of humor? Look at number twenty seven!"

Elsie nodded absently in acknowledgement of Tori's horror but otherwise didn't respond; she was too busy mouthing the words 'no blonde jokes' incredulously.

Tori sighed heavily. "What are we going to do for fun around here anymore?"

Elsie grinned wickedly. "I guess we'll just have to figure some stuff to do that _isn't_ on the list."

Tori thought about it. "Hmm…wait, what about that last part? They wrote 'have decided to ban only Elsie and Tori from doing these, in hopes that being addressed exclusively will end their trouble-making ways' for a reason."

Elsie shrugged. "Who cares?"

Tori laughed. "Point taken. Okay, so you know how the naiads hate littering? Well, I was thinking…"

Linking arms, they strolled around camp, their heads ducked together as they conspired new and more innovative ways to wreak havoc upon the camp.

And sure enough, not too long after, a new installment of the 'New Camp Half-Blood Restrictions' was posted around camp.

* * *

This was just supposed to be a goofy fic, something to sort of help me chill out a little bit. Please tell me what you think!

.

No, really..._please._

Leann

'

P.S. Check out my other stuff! :) This is some of my more humorous stuff, but the other stuff's not too shabby, or so I thought. Just give it a shot!


	2. The Middle

And here is chapter two!

**Disclaimer: Elsie and Tori are mine, but that's it. The Percy Jackson books belong to Rick Riordan...obviously.**

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New Camp Half-Blood Restrictions (Continued)

36. The creation and distribution of an 'Olympian tabloid' will not be tolerated, especially as its contents were most definitely _not_ true.

37. Even just _joking_ about selling Zeus' Master Lightning Bolt on eBay is no longer allowed, not to mention a death wish.

38. Any more attempts by Elsie and Tori to ask for any alcoholic beverages to fill their cups at dinner are now banned.

39. Elsie and Tori may no longer excessively sing High School Musical songs and posters of Zac Efron may no longer be posted up in the Apollo cabin.

40. Said poster of Zac Efron may not be used to replace the regular announcement schedule.

41. And furthermore, Elsie and Tori may not create their own schedule/announcement sheet and replace the camp's own sheet.

42. Attempting to host the camp's first Mythomagic tournament is unacceptable, not to mention insulting to certain gods.

43. As the result of the showing of certain YouTube videos that shall remain unnamed, the use of YouTube at all on camp grounds by Elsie and Tori is prohibited.

44. Filing for a restraining order against Kronos, Luke, all mythological beasts, Ares (because he is, quote, "freaky as anything, man"), or the Furies is ineffective, no longer allowed and also brings unnecessary attention to the camp and it's rather unconventional ways.

45. Barricading the entrances to all the bathrooms in the camp is inexcusable and now prohibited.

46. Elsie and Tori may no longer steal hardback books from the Athena cabin and use them as weapons, hitting people over the head with them. Especially the Twilight's.

47. Petitioning to have Barney hunted down by the Huntresses is now restricted.

48. They may no longer attempt to drive off Juniper with a stick, with later explanations of "she's defenseless against her own kind!"

49. They may no longer ask Hestia if she's a pyromaniac.

50. Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to fake British accents all day, flying into a furious rage if someone dares to point out that they are, in fact, completely American.

51. Elsie and Tori may no longer make suggestions to the camp fire song list because Fergalicious is not a good Camp Half-Blood campfire song.

52. They may not suggest that Marilyn Manson is one of Hades' minions, no matter how plausible the idea may be.

53. Attempting to make a hunt for the Cullens an official quest is no longer tolerated.

54. Edward Cullen is not a mythological god, no matter how old or 'yummy' he may be.

55. Elsie and Tori may no longer randomly throw buckets of water at Percy because we all know they are not just doing to be 'helpful'.

56. Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to present Relient k's song _(Marilyn Manson Ate) My Girlfriend_ as proof that Marilyn Manson is, in fact, a minion of Hades. He is not, okay?

57. As it seems to be a surprisingly sensitive topic, Elsie and Tori may no longer discuss the possibility of SpongeBob being gay.

58. Inventing an imaginary friend is no longer allowed, especially if said imaginary friend is vicious, requires meals of its' own, rabid, carnivorous, Marilyn Manson, or supposedly has the ability to breathe fire.

59. Elsie and Tori may no longer be in possession of any duct tape whatsoever.

60. In fact, further mention of the previous duct tape situation is no longer allowed.

61. Reenacting the scene between Jack and Rose in which Jack dies is no longer allowed.

62. They may no longer pretend to adopt a creepy obsession with various fruits.

63. Elsie and Tori may no longer demand that everyone call them 'Dumbledore' and 'Your Majesty', respectively.

64. Elvis Presley was not a divine gift from the gods. Yes, of course he was a half-blood (how else could he be so great? ), but nothing more. And nothing more on this will be said.

65. Attempting to send Dionysus' story to Alcoholics Anonymous is no longer allowed.

66. Elsie and Tori may not covertly refer to Kronos as 'Voldemort' and this will not be considered as his codename, especially as we were not giving codenames in the first place.

67. And going from there, Percy is not to be called 'Harry Potter' or 'Frodo'.

68. Placing even one fake spider in the Athena cabin is strictly prohibited.

69. Elsie and Tori may not attempt to throw daughters of Aphrodite into the ocean simply because "their laughter is freakin' annoying!". That is not a reason and it is not nice.

70. Attempting to bribe people into destroying these lists and all evidence they existed is no longer allowed.

Thank you, campers, for your additions to these lists. If any new rules need to be added, please feel free to come see me or Mr. D. And as for Elsie and Tori, do not take these lightly; we will be prepared to 'take you on', for lack of better phrase. Thank you for your time and have a great day!

.

Chiron

---

Tori looked at the list, her eyes huge. "What the…?"

Elsie's jaw hung a good couple inches from her face. "What is this treachery!? And what's with forty-six? We never did that!"

"Yes, we did," Tori reminded her. "Remember, I wanted to see if the Athena cabin had figured out we stole all of their 'A', 'P', 'O', 'L' encyclopedias? And then you saw that they had seven copies of Twilight and it went downhill from there…"

Elsie opened her mouth to protest but then snapped it shut. "Oh, yeah," she muttered.

"So we're not going to pay attention at all to Chiron's warning, are we?" Tori asked confidently, looking to Elsie for quick confirmation.

Elsie snorted. "Of course not."

"Good," Tori grinned. "In that case, can we go ahead and pull out Operation: Egg?"

Elsie laughed and shrugged. "Sure, why not? What I'd love is if we placed it in the Ares cabin, though. I know it's a bit off the plan but those nasty jerks could really use a surprise, anyway…"

Life around Camp Half-Blood was never dull.

* * *

Okay, so I just want to say that these updates probably won't come too frequently as I have fallen into the habit of cranking them out in increments of 35. I'm not sure how I started that, but it's set now, I suppose :) Sorry? e-Cookies for anyone who can guess why I chose those encyclopedia letters for them to steal. It's a little fact about Elsie and Tori that I mentioned in the last chapter and just spell it out...teehee, good luck. Anyhow, thanks for reading! PLEASE review! It would make my day and sadly, I am not joking! Please and thank you!

---

lecabe


	3. Crazy Train

So I posted another chapter---yay! :) I'm not sure if I told you this earlier, but Elsie and Tori are based off a friend and I, and I really think this chapter has some our personality put in here. I'll let you guess which one is which ;D So here you go...and remember, if you read and liked it, review!!

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New Camp Half-Blood Restrictions (Cont.)

71) Nico is the son of Pluto, yes, but that is the Roman name for Hades. Hades is in no way affiliated with Pluto, the Disney character.

72) Elsie and Tori may no longer walk around the camp with Harry Potter books, frantically trying to point out to people the similarities between the Harry Potter plot and our life.

73) Putting papers with any writing whatsoever on people's backs is unacceptable, especially as this is a special camp and there are people here who actually would attempt to annihilate the person with the paper on their back if the paper said to.

74) Starbucks is not the holy shrine of Pan, and Elsie and Tori may no longer refer to it as such.

75) Elsie and Tori may no longer force the children of Aphrodite to listen to Marilyn Manson CD's for long periods of time. Or short periods of time.

76) Elsie and Tori may no longer attempt to 'shock' Thalia with static electricity.

77) They may not beg the gods to tell them whether or not Santa Claus is real.

78) Spending an entire afternoon asking various children of Athena impossible questions until they cry, run away, or attempt to kill them, is no longer allowed.

79) They may no longer throw copies of _Grapes of Wrath,_ stolen from the Athena cabin, at Castor or Polydeuces, simply because they have never actually read the book and those books can be rather painful.

80) They may not ask Percy if he has a special affinity with Chiron because "Percy can talk to ponies and Chiron is part pony!" as it is rather insulting to both parties.

81) Elsie and Tori may not concoct various irritating, noisy ways to wake the camp at five-thirty in the morning.

82) And due to the incident involving the above rule, the camp will no longer allow air horns to be carried by Elsie or Tori.

83) They may not follow around Castor or Polydeuces around, begging for grape juice.

84) Or raisins.

85) Elsie and Tori may no longer ask for highly caffeinated, highly unhealthy energy drinks at dinner, if only for the safety of the camp.

86) Though Elsie and Tori's displays of wit and cleverness are always highly treasured around the camp…or something, we hereby ban them from pelting the Demeter cabin with fresh/rotten tomatoes.

87) They may no longer refer to Hestia as the "goddess of cookouts" simply because she is the goddess of the hearth; there is a difference between a hearth and just a campfire and no doubt Hestia would like this to be honored.

88) They may longer interchange Pan with the name 'Pam', like the cooking spray.

89) Elsie and Tori may no longer ask Hades or his children what they think of Pluto no longer being named a planet. (A/N: Pluto is the Roman name for Hades)

90) Introducing Grover or the other satyrs to PETA, under any circumstances, is absolutely, strictly prohibited, for the safety of all satyrs and the rest of the world.

91) They are no longer allowed to attempt to redecorate any of the cabins.

92) Throwing things besides firewood into the campfire is no longer allowed.

93) The word 'things', as used above, is includes all things inanimate and animate.

94) Challenging children of Hephaestus to arm-wrestling matches is no longer allowed and is rather dangerous, with Elsie's two broken fingers as a testament to this.

95) Elsie and Tori may no longer run around camp saying "Harry Potter could totally take Percy".

96) There is no such thing as a "Flying Whazoot" and it does not eat campers who annoy Elsie or Tori.

97) They may no longer play board games, as they have been known to get rather violent when things go wrong or they lose.

98) Spreading rumors that there's "something going on between Percy and Juniper" just to see "Goat Boy freak like a hippie gone rabid" is prohibited. (A/N: That one was for the author 'Unsigned. For Now'!)

99) Declaring Apollo to be the superior cabin and then trying to prove it through a series of camp-defacing, reckless pranks is no longer allowed.

100) Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to harass the Demeter cabin by trying to force them to sing Veggie Tales songs. (A/N: We've hit 100!!!!!!)

101) Following around various campers, insisting they had a dream where said camper was attacked and devoured, is now prohibited.

102) Constantly making references to that horribly inaccurate, cheesy Disney movie 'Hercules' is now prohibited.

103) They may no longer skip around the camp singing show tunes, as it grates on _everyone's_ nerves.

104) Attempting to ding, dong, ditch a cabin is not only foolish, ineffective, and childish, but now also prohibited.

105) They may no longer attempt to burn all blank paper on the campsite so these lists will not be made.

We would like to take this opportunity to commend the campers with the character and loyalty to report misdemeanors acted out by Elsie and Tori. We would also like to assure the campers whose pillows were contaminated that the rashes wear off shortly and there will be no lasting effects. Thank you and please continue to inform us of new delinquencies.

Chiron and Mr. D

'

"They've finally lost it," Elsie gaped, staring at the long list in awe.

"They're crazy. Completely and totally insane," Tori echoed, her tone hushed as if just talking of them could bring them forth.

There was a pause as they both eyed the lengthy list with apprehension. Elbowing Elsie in the ribs, Tori asked worriedly, "Do you think we should stop?"

For a moment, Elsie looked hesitant before she shook her head resolutely. "That's what they want, Tori. We'd just be giving in to the Man."

Looking confused, Tori replied, "But they're a centaur and mythological god. If they were a man, it'd be a lot different…"

Elsie rolled her eyes. "A figure of speech they use out there. You need to leave camp more often; you're thinking Greek."

"Whatever," Tori waved. "So we're not stopping?"

"Nope! Hell hath no fury like women scorned…" Elsie quoted, chuckling maliciously, her eyes narrowed.

"But we weren't scorned by a lover…they just don't like our jokes."

"Focus, Tori!"

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hey guys! so this is yet another installment in the mini-series about misdemeanors of a camp for children of the gods. this series may be coming to halt, since i've reached rule number 105 and i'm sort of slowing down on the idea bursts. there may be one more chapter, maybe not. i love when you guys give suggestions! unlike another author who uses a similar format to this, though, i will not base all my chapters on review suggestions; they are suggestions and will remain that way. thanks and please keep reviewing! :)

.

lecabe


	4. Here Comes The Sun

This is my second time uploading this chapter...I forgot to include the bit I had written for the end. Special guest stars!

New Camp Half-Blood Restrictions (Continued)

106. Attempting to three-way an Iris call is no longer allowed. _(Unsigned. For Now-thanks!)_

107. Singing "We're Off To See The Wizard" when going to see Chiron or Mr. D will no longer be permitted due to its heavy, unappreciated sarcasm.

108. Elsie and Tori may no longer ding-dong-ditch the cabins, especially as it never worked in the first place.

109. Holding Percy's head under water, even if he can breathe, is no longer allowed. _(Bright Silver Lady of Midnight-thanks!)_

110. Bringing explosive chemicals to camp is no longer allowed. It is entirely possible it never was allowed in the first place, but now it's official.

111. Following people around and staring at them intently, explaining that you were attempting to make them spontaneously combust with your powers of the sun, is not permitted. (_Night The Shadow Chao-thanks!)_

112. The song 'It's a Small World' is now prohibited. Forever. (_Bright Silver Lady of Midnight-thanks!)_

113. Simply because Percy is as invincible as Achilles now does not mean it is permissible to throw small pebbles at him.

114. The above rule is also applicable to large stones, sticks, daggers, swords, arrows, animals, and people.

115. All property stolen during The Last Battle must be returned, including animals.

116. Telling the younger campers they are the ones referred to in the New Prophecy is no longer allowed due to its bullying, cruel nature.

117. Running around camp screaming that the Oracle has confirmed the end of the world in 2012 is now prohibited.

118. Instigating a war among the cabins, for personal entertainment, is no longer allowed.

119. It should go without saying that drafting new campers to fight in the "war" is also not permitted.

120. Petitioning to Chiron or Mr. D to redecorate the cabins through letters talking nonsensically about things such as 'feng shui' and 'the chi in the room' will not be tolerated anymore.

121. Greeting the new campers with grave nods and cryptically saying, "They'll do." is banned from here on out.

122. Also, telling them that Harry Potter will be coming out from archery any minute now is now prohibited.

123. Staging 'jailbreaks' that involve attempting to dig out of camp with spoons and mysteriously obtained sporks is not permitted anymore.

124. Attempting to turn the fountain in the Poseidon cabin into a public pool will not be tolerated.

125. Stealing explosives and tools from the Hephaestus' cabin's forge is not allowed.

.

Percy stared at the list in shock. "Some of these don't even seem possible."

Annabeth shrugged. "They're crazy, Percy. Crazy as a pair of bedbugs."

Percy shuddered as he recalled some of the pranks they had 'played' on him. "They just scare me..."

Annabeth scoffed. "Seaweed Brain, don't act like such a wimp. Did you or did you not save the world?"

Percy rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean it literally, Annabeth. I just meant that they worry me, that's all. I'm invincible, for gods' sakes..."

It was her turn to roll her eyes. "If you're so invincible and great, then why can't you even beat me at archery?"

He grinned. "You wanna bet?"

She smiled. "I'd love to. It'll make winning so much more fun."

"Oh, you're on," he said, laughing.

She just smiled and took off running towards archery, not before giving him a shove that had him stumbling.

"Hey, that's not fair! I didn't even know we were racing!"

She laughed and called back, "Is that why you're losing?"

* * *

Two things you may or may not have noticed about this chapter:

It's shorter. Like, 16 or something less rules than usual.

And it's late. Like, really late. Later than your period after that wild night with the cute guy from the bar. Yeah, later than that.

So, my apologies! But I think I'm winding down the series. If I do, there will be a final chapter with some closure from the lovely Elsie and Tori. If I continue, well then, there will be another chapter of rules!

Anyways, tell me what you think! Share suggestions. Did you have a favorite rule? What did you think of the special guest stars (Percy and Annabeth)?

With love, lecabe

P.S. I know you're reading this-it's gotten hundreds of hits. And only 3 more reviews. People, come on!

P.P.S. (8/26/10) Thanks so much for the reviews, guys! You have no idea how much it means. :) I was editing a typo I noticed and figured I'd let y'all know that I'm working on the next installment! It won't be the last chapter; it'll be another chapter of rules. I'm trying to come up with some ideas! School just started back though and it's been crazy-high school is rough. Nobody told me that it's nothing like the High School Musical movies! Haha, well, please please please keep up the reviews! :)


	5. Mr Brightside

I'm baaaacccckkk...

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New Camp Half-Blood Restrictions (Continued)

126. Petitioning Chiron and Mr. D to preserve 'The Last Battle' (as it has grown to be called) in a self-made movie will no longer be entertained.

127. Assigning the new campers numbers instead of names will no longer be tolerated.

128. Making suggestions for the "camp mascot" is no longer permitted.

129. It should then go without saying that volunteering Grover to be the mascot is also no longer permitted.

130. Offering to be the camp's "mascot" is now banned.

131. If they are banned at almost all sporting events, assume they are not allowed on camp grounds. Yes, I am referring to the vuvuzelas. (Thank you, A-non-e-mouse! My friend has a vuvuzela…I hate it so much…)

132. Forming an obnoxious cheerleading squad for canoeing, archery, chariot racing, arts & crafts, cleaning the cabins, walking to different places, etc., will no longer be tolerated.

134. Cheers involving explicit language that insults campers' heritage (mothers especially), physical appearance, cabin, hygienic habits, general personality, and character are now banned.

135. And just because two words rhyme does mean they should be used together in a cheer. This would qualify them as explicit and banned. (i.e., 'Annabeth' and 'user of meth')

136. If something makes you giggle for over 15 seconds, assume you are not allowed to do it. (I stole that from a bumper sticker on Facebook. Sorry! Teehee)

137. Owning handcuffs are now forbidden, due to the incident in March. Failure to comply will result in immediate confiscation. (Muchas gracias to _WeLovePercyJackson_!)

138. "That's what she said" is not considered an appropriate response to anything.

139. Nor is "There's an app for that!"

140. For good measure, the additional following phrases, when used randomly and not seriously, are now banned as well: "That's what your mom said last night!", "Your face.", "No hablo ingles.", "I'M HAVING A SEIZURE!", "Look out, Kronos is standing behind you!", and "Oh my gosh, Percy's drowning!".

141. Setting and attempting to enforce a minimum walking speed on all of the walkways and paths on camp grounds is no longer permitted.

142. Profusely insisting that Athena give Annabeth "The Talk" is banned. Immediately.

143. Switching the Aphrodite Cabin magazines with the Athena Cabin textbooks and scientific journals will no longer be tolerated as it is distressing to both the Aphrodite Cabin and Athena Cabin.

144. "I could've sworn the Oracle told me to" is not a legitimate reason for causing someone physical or emotional harm/damage.

145. Chanting "Fish are friends, not food" whenever Percy Jackson walks near is now prohibited.

146. Challenging the Stoll brothers to pranking duels that throw the entire camp into a state of chaos and paranoia for weeks on end is forbidden and the last contest should never be discussed again, due to the traumatic effects many campers are still feeling.

.

"Your children are out of control, Apollo," Zeus stated flatly.

Apollo chuckled. "They're just kids, Father. And you have to admit, some of their antics are quite hysterical. Besides, it's not like they've killed anyone."

"Yet," Athena added darkly, her eyes betraying no amusement.

Apollo rolled his eyes. "They're just having some fun, Athena. I'd understand if you'd be unfamiliar with this concept of 'fun' but that doesn't mean we have to deprive them of-"

Athena's eyes brightened with anger. "Never, in all of the history of Camp Half-Blood, has a list such as this one been made before! This sort of immaturity is unprecedented! Their childishness is reminiscent of the Silver Age of Man and I for one believe that it is time for these two children of Apollo to get their act together. They are only a little bit younger than Annabeth, but it might as well be decades that separate them. Annabeth has already completed multiple quests and what do your children have to show? Nothing of signific-"

"Elsie and Tori fought bravely in the Last Battle! Their archery skills were nearly unparalleled and they survived to see many friends fall. And it was your daughter's infatuation with that Luke boy that nearly destroyed us-"

"Luke has nothing to do with this!" Hermes exclaimed indignantly.

"That's _enough_," Zeus interjected. "Apollo, talk to your children. For the most part, their tricks are harmless enough and amusing. But warn them that if they should be cautious of taking it too far."

Apollo nodded earnestly. "I will."

* * *

Whoa! Intrigue! Drama! Oh, my!

But yeah. I'm back, y'all! Yay! Only a 7 month delay, no worries...but honestly, this hadn't even crossed my mind for the last few months, which is sad because of how much I like this story. I hope you'll like it too! Review and tell me what you think. Do you like the new rules? What about that end scene between the gods; what's gonna happen with that?

Hey, has anyone read the _The Lost Hero?_ I read it when it first came out (which was my birthday, which was insanely awesome) and lovedddd it. I can't wait for the next one!

God bless you. See you later!- lecabe

P.S. 12:12 PM- Right after you publish something on here, do you find yourself constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY) checking back to see if anyone's reviewed?...I do. If you feel my pain, put me out of my misery and review. Smooches.


	6. Off I Go

It's been awhile, huh? This is a new approach, more dialogue, but new things are good...right?

* * *

"We're getting old, Tori," Elsie stated flatly, kicking some of the rocks that were scattered across the path.

"Elsie, we're not even legal adults yet…" Tori replied warily, observing the slump of Elsie's shoulders and the sigh in her voice.

"Well, we're already washed out. Look at us; it's been almost two weeks and we haven't found any new pranks to do. Not a single one."

"What do you call spending two hours in a tree, dropping potatoes on passing campers? That was pretty fun…half the camp thinks potatoes grow on trees now."

"I call that amateur and definitely beneath us," Elsie snapped, but Tori knew the anger wasn't directed at her. "What happened to the originality? The jaw-dropping, 'oh my gods, how?' factor? We're in a slump, Tori."

"Are you guys sure you're only sixteen?" A dry voice said from behind them, amused.

They whirled around to see a muscular, tan guy leaning casually against a large oak tree. He was wearing surfer trunks and well-fitting T-shirt that read 'Mr. Sunshine' in faded letters, both of which seemed oddly appropriate, despite their ocean-less, forest surroundings. He took off his sunglasses and with a gleaming white smile, shook his blond hair out of his eyes. "Girls. How's it going?"

"Dad," Tori blurted out, stunned. "What are you doing here?"

Yep, it was Apollo. Their handsome, easy-going, Olympian god father.

"Good to see you too, Tori. You definitely got your charm from your mother," Apollo responded wryly. "How about you, Elsie? How are things?"

"Oh, you know, they go…everything okay up there?" Elsie replied politely, gesturing vaguely to 'up there'.

"Yeah, things are good. Busy as always, keeping peace, being immortal, making sure that the world as we know continues to function with as little disaster as possible to a thankless world of mortals who barely acknowledge our existence…yup, things are dandy," Apollo responded, his cheerful face and pleasant tone a stark contrast to his heavy complaints.

"Oh…that's nice," Elsie remarked, unsure how to respond this.

"Seriously, though, is there a problem?" Tori asked, determined to understand why he was here.

"Can't a dad just drop by to see how his kids are doing?" Apollo answered easily, dodging the question altogether.

"Cool! So we should go get the rest of the cabin. C'mon, Tori! Be right back, Dad!" Elsie exclaimed, already turning to run back to camp.

"Wait!"

Elsie turned around, smirking at having called their dad out on his lie.

He sighed. "Okay, yes, there is a reason I came, specifically involving you two."

Tori shook her head. "I knew it."

"Look, girls, you know how busy I am. How busy all of the gods are. Would you try to keep that in mind?" He said wearily.

Suddenly, Elsie looked at him and saw how strained he seemed. Beneath the flawless, god-like exterior and the eternally easy-going attitude, there was stress and worry in his eyes. She realized that all might not be as well as she had thought. Maybe Kronos wasn't the only "bad guy" out there.

Tori bit her lip. "We know, Dad. Sorry."

"Yeah, sorry," Elsie echoed, trying to put as much sincerity into her voice as she could muster.

He smiled. "Well, then. Let's get down to business, as in why I'm really here. Elsie, Tori, the gods…they have noticed some of your little escapades and unfortunately, not possessing the same appreciation for artistic genius as myself, they have sent me to ask you to tone it down…well, actually, they want you to stop."

Both Tori and Elsie cried at the same time, "Stop!"

"They feel that your jokes might be, um….how do I say this? They think you are destructive and making it impossible for other campers to learn the skills they need and enjoy being here," Apollo explained, trying to be as gentle as he could.

Elsie and Tori remained quiet, thinking about what he just said. Finally, after a minute or two had passed, Tori said quietly, "We don't do it to hurt people. Or make them mad."

"Why do you do this then? Honestly, sometimes I wonder if you're not children of Hermes after all," He joked, though his question hung in the air, probing for answers.

There was a quiet pause as Elsie and Tori silently stood there, before Elsie broke the silence. "We do it for the same reasons you play the lyre or recite poetry."

"What?"

"To entertain people. To bring them together and have fun. This camp is constant fight, defend, attack monsters, worry, fight, worry, fight, eat, sleep, worry, fight, sing sometimes, figh-" Tori explained, before Apollo cut her off.

"Okay, I get it. You worry and fight."

"A _lot_," Elsie stressed.

"And, even though sometimes our jokes annoy people, I think, overall, they don't mind it. I think they like it. Except the Athena cabin. They hate everything," Tori said, glowering when she mentioned the Athena cabin.

"Tori and I are year-round campers. And as great as it is to be safe here and prepare ourselves for what's out there, it gets boring. And depressing. And repetitive. For everyone, I think. The pranks and jokes and general screwing with people is the only new thing any of us have," Elsie appealed, her face pleading with him to understand.

Apollo exhaled. "Wow, I genuinely thought you just did it to piss people off."

"Well, it doesn't hurt," Elsie shrugged.

"Alright. I'll see what I can do. Deep down, Dad finds this stuff funny, I know. It's Athena though, she just can't loosen up. But do your pranks. I'll convince Zeus," Apollo conceded.

Giant, matching smiles broke out on their faces. "Thank you! This is gr-"

He shrugged. "Don't mention it." And just as suddenly as he came, he had left.

* * *

It was just the thing Elsie and Tori needed. Because sure enough, the following morning's bulletin board featured four new rules, an impressive feat, considering they had all been performed within minutes of each other.

New Camp Halfblood Restrictions (cont.)

146. Attempting to turn Camp Halfblood into Camp Rock by singing what you're thinking and encouraging others to sing along is no longer tolerated. (Thanks, kittykatkitkat!)

147. Chanting "just keep swimming" as Percy walks by is now prohibited. (You sorta gave me the idea for this, EmiJStar!)

148. Filming various kissing couples around the camp, then displaying it for "educational purposes" is immediately banned, as it is a seriously violation of privacy and educational in no way.

149. Randomly shouting "Flash mob!" and then dancing does not actually create a flash mob. As it can be very annoying and can interrupt other activities, it is now prohibited.

We would like to state that what Elsie and Tori have been spreading about 'the gods supporting this' and 'Zeus is okay with this!' are false. The gods are in no way encouraging this behavior, especially not Dionysus.

Chiron and Mr. D (resident god)

* * *

So...long time, no see! I tried something new, for a couple of reasons: to attempt to annihilate my writer's block, see what you think of some dialogue, and also explain why they're children of Apollo and not Hermes. More rules are on the way, but I need some inspiration. So here's the deal: I'm not going to post another chapter until I've got a nice, long list of FUNNY rules that I can post. Lately, the rules I've been posting are not as good as they used to be in my opinion. I don't know, maybe y'all feel differently. Either way, that's the deal. No excuses.

Also, thanks a bunch for the reviews! They mean so much. I read every single one and REALLY appreciate y'all taking the time. You're my FAVORITEEEEEE people. Ever!

lecabe


	7. Don't Shoot Me Santa

The bulletin board was a pathetic sight to behold. Not a very large or well-maintained board to begin with, it had fallen into major disrepair. As more and more rules were being added to the board almost weekly, whoever was in charge of posting them had given up trying to arrange the never-ending sheets in any semblance of order or coherence and had instead just started stapling them haphazardly wherever they would stick. As a result, what stood beside the path to the cabins no longer resembled a bulletin board but what a bulletin board would look like if it was ambushed by a ruthless army of staples and paper.

It was difficult to tell which rules were new and which weren't, but through careful inspection of the layering of the papers, it was possible. For instance, this week's rules could be spotted because that sheet slightly overlapped the rest. It contained the following:

.

149. Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to recount dreams for longer than 10 minutes and certainly no longer than 75 minutes, as it delayed dinner and most other activities last week.

150. Planking is absolutely forbidden on any of the following surfaces and should be exercised with caution elsewhere: tables we eat on, centaurs, people, roofs, stacks of stolen books, and anything else that is living and holds objections to this.

151. Rubber cement is now banned on camp grounds (you gave me the idea for that, thepremaster22!)

152. Bribing the harpies to serve spaghetti and syrup at every meal is no longer acceptable and it should be noted that bribery of any sort will not be tolerated. (_Elf_ reference, anyone?)

153. While there is nothing necessarily wrong with the mantra 'The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear', it should be treated with discretion and especially not acted on during unreasonable hours of the night. (_Elf _#2, hehe)

154. Following Nico around with a copy of Dante's _Inferno_, badgering him with questions, will no longer be permitted.

155. Giving the Ares cabin not so subtle hints about the fate of the Wrathful, as according to Dante's _Inferno_, is absolutely unacceptable. In addition, to clear up any more misunderstandings, Dante was simply an imaginative, if not highly judgmental and sadistic, mortal and the contents of the _Inferno_ are false.

156. Giving pet rocks that "have been trained to kill" is not acceptable and very much not in the Christmas spirit.

157. And on that note, Christmas is a time for giving gifts from the heart, not a time to give inappropriate, rude, or unwanted items that cannot be given back due to the "thought that went into them", which is a lie.

158. Replacing words from beloved Christmas songs with dirty lyrics is highly inappropriate and absolutely banned.

159. Screaming "SANTA! I KNOW HIM!" at random intervals throughout the day is not only disruptive and annoying, but also no longer be tolerated. (Couldn't resist slipping that third reference in there)

160. It should now be noted that whatever ridiculous rumor about Mr. D and Santa being related or the same person is proven to be completely false.

161. Annabeth's Yankees cap is private property and should be left alone. Replacing it with an actual, completely mundane Yankees cap is uncalled for and completely unacceptable (thanks, thepremaster22!)

162. It is not permitted to film or record people without their knowledge, meaning the social experiment nicknamed 'The Day-to-Day Life of Mr. D' is to be discontinued. An additional note: the rooms of Dionysus and Chiron are private, and campers found hiding or sneaking around in them will be severely punished.

163. After several incidents with this specific food, it has been agreed that Camp Half-Blood will, for the time being, no longer be serving Jell-O.

.

Elsie and Tori stared at the bulletin board in appreciation.

"You know," Tori mused, her eyes still fixed on the many sheets of paper attached to the mauled bulletin board, "these rules pretty much sum up our whole lives."

Elsie shrugged. "I'm okay with that, actually."

"Yeah, me too."

* * *

A quick chapter with some rules I literally just jotted down these last forty five minutes, so sorry if they're a little sub par! I usually don't rush, but I thought of this again the other day, came back just now, and thought to myself, "You know what? I'm going to write another chapter before Christmas!" Well, here it is, folks.

Another chapter will come...eventually...at some point in time. Until then, cheers!

And Merry Christmas ;)


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